Human Relation(ships)

This post came from a passing thought during a light-hearted discussion I had with my UP SOLAIR Classmates. We just can't resist making fun of the terms we frequently use at work... and in relationships.

Here are some:

Sourcing- Determination to find a potential mate. This could be done via referral, headhunting, online portals, or word of mouth.

Shortlisting - Screening for the best "candidates" based on your personal preferences, wants and needs.

Recruiter- A friend / mutual connection who helps you with "sourcing"

Pirating - Being a 3rd Party, being your own headhunter

Headhunter - A friend / connection who matches you with a person who is currently in a (complicated) relationship.

Applicant - Suitor

Referral - Not a suitor, but also a single individual who is open to "opportunities"

Interview - Once a target is spotted, a face-to-face encounter to evaluate possibilities is made. This is also more commonly known as a "date". This usually has three levels - initial, departmental (getting buy in of friends / family, if applicable) & final.

Final Interview - As per TBB, on the third date, at least, you would need to decide if you would want to keep seeing each other ( Pre-Employment Requirements) or you would like to grab it (Hiring)

Job Offer - Regardless of you seal the deal or continue testing, you lay down the offer including the terms and conditions of employment, disclaimers, etc. At this point, the said "applicant" / "Candidate" or "referral" could still refuse - and you could haggle. If the applicant would still refuse... go back to sourcing.

Contract signing - Sealing the deal. As in truly sealing it. In short, it's time to change your status from Single to In A Relationship.

Probationary Period - Months or days before you raise the white flag or in Wolowitz' and Stinson's terms, "sacking it".

Regular - Enjoying the full benefits... *Insert If You Know What I Mean meme*

Performance Appraisal - Evaluation on how things went, usually during monthsarries, anniversaries, or every time the employer & employee ponder on how things have been.

Performance Bonus - That special anniversary/monthsarry thrill. Could be applicable every month (Commission-based). Or everyday, if possible.

Organizational Development - In line with  "Change Management", the pair should start improving on strategies & ways to preserve the relationship due to an upcoming change or due to its tenure.

Policies & Procedures - Relationship Basics - no infidelity, all-truth basis, what's yours is mine, transparency & clear communication, no conflicts in interest, and the likes.

Non-Disclosure - A special agreement (usually broken by women!) wherein you make sure that you don't talk about your fights/ intimate moments with others so they won't have an eye on your private window.

Progressive Discipline- The "talk" and "game plan" which happens every other (repeated) fight happens. This serves as a recurrent review in the event that the Policies & Procedures are being taken for granted. May impact Performance Bonus.

Warning - obviously...  don't wait for the nth strike.

Suspension - Cool off.

Termination - Break Up initiated by only one side.

Resignation - Mutual break up / Gwen Stefani's "Cool"would be a great soundtrack.

Counter Offer - In cases of "I'd just go and find myself" or "Pirating" (3rd party) issues, this will be the last resort.

Exit Interview - The "Break Up Talk" wherein both will discover what lacked, what went wrong, and who to blame (lol).  Also the final Evaluation - usually irrevocable, but at times, followed by a nasty bout of bitterness and rage.

Clearance Process - Both parties are required to return things that were given, if it is in their agreement based on the Exit Interview.

AWOL - In verbatim, Iniwan ka na, ninakawan/tinakasan ka pa.

Rehire - Ex, who became your gf/bf again.

Other terms:

Contractual - Short-term Relationships which expire every 5 months or less wherein no sure agreement of renewal exists and benefits are limited.

Seasonal - Date every valentine's day only. Or every time there's an upcoming movie. Those people you get when you need to present someone in a party which requires you to bring a +1.

Boss - The woman, obviously.

Tenure - Long term relationship, going to engagement - or even marriage.

Retirement - When you can't perform all functions, but still get benefits due to long term service. This includes sitting together and just cuddling while letting your dentures soak. Early retirement may be at around 45, while regular retirement starts at 60. If you know what we mean.

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And with this, I would like to give a shout-out to some of my Classmates - Anne Richily Ticyado Sampaga, Clark Dizon, John Yang, Maine Ocampo, Regine Tan, and of course ate Candice Sumandrino, for the fun times. I (will, and really do) miss you all.